Are you seeking expansion and growth or are you contracting your energy and playing small out of fear?

How do you show up in the world? Do you play it safe by playing the role of a big fish in a small pond in your job or other area of your life? Or are you willing to expand and grow by becoming the little fish in a big pond?

I was listening to a podcast recently by Teal Swan and I really appreciate what she shared on this subject.

She gave the example of a sports player who was on a team and he was the top player. He was the best on the team and had lots of fans, notoriety, fame etc. He enjoyed it from that vantage point. There came a time when he had the opportunity to rise up to another level on another team in a higher league which meant he was now the small fish in a big pond. He was not as good as the other players, he was not widely known and it made him feel insecure, unsure of himself and uncomfortable with his new role. He didn’t feel like the big fish anymore. His ego was bruised.

So, he returned to the other team so he could take the place of the big fish in the small pond again and once again feel more comfortable.

In this example she shared that he was also madly in love with a beautiful woman who was on top of her game in life, held a good job, good money, respect and dressed well, made decisions without hesitation and lived in a certain way with self-assuredness and self-worth. He was also interested in a second woman who was a people-pleaser, kind, didn’t speak up, had lower self-esteem and so forth who he was not as interested in. However, she felt safer to be with and so he began dating her to the surprise of his friends who knew he was deeply in love with the first woman. Eventually he began treating the second woman that he was dating badly and taking advantage of her and even ignoring her by choosing other activities instead of spending time with her as they were dating which was unkind and hurt her.

He made both of these decisions based on fear and ego. Fear of failure. Fear of being seen as smaller or weaker than someone else. Fear of not fitting in to a higher social status and so he played small in order to feel bigger.

Instead of choosing the opportunity to rise and grow and expand and learn, he chose to shrink back where it was safe to be the seen as the best and above others.

I invite you to ask yourself if there is anywhere in your life that you do this?

Your current status at your job. A relationship. Beginning a new gym membership. Playing small or refusing to set boundaries with others in your friends or family – parents, siblings or others because you are the youngest or have always played a certain role in these relationships or situations.

But there is an important distinction I want to make here.

Not all discomfort means we are on the wrong path.

Sometimes discomfort is simply the feeling of doing something unfamiliar.

It is the feeling of stretching beyond what we have known.

It is the feeling of entering a room where we don’t yet know anyone, taking on something we’ve never done before, speaking up when we’ve always stayed quiet, setting a boundary with someone who is used to us saying yes, applying for the job that feels just beyond our current experience, joining the gym when we don’t feel confident in our body, starting the business, creating the art, going back to school, learning something new or allowing ourselves to be seen in a way we haven’t allowed before.

We can feel uncomfortable and still be completely aligned.

In fact, sometimes the discomfort is evidence that we are expanding beyond an old version of ourselves.

Think about a child learning to walk.

They don’t stand up, take their first step, wobble and think, “Well, this feels uncomfortable, so I must not be meant to walk.”

They fall.

They get back up.

They try again.

They are learning something their body has never done before.

And eventually, what once felt impossible becomes completely natural.

This is what growth can feel like.

The Little Fish Is Learning

When you move from being the big fish in a small pond to the little fish in a big pond, you haven’t suddenly become less valuable.

You have simply entered a larger environment in which there is more to learn.

You may not know as much.

You may not be the best.

You may make mistakes.

Someone else may be more experienced than you.

Someone may know something you don’t know.

And your ego might not like that very much.

But what if that’s okay?

What if you don’t have to be the best person in the room in order to belong in the room?

What if you don’t have to know everything before you begin?

What if being the least experienced person in the room is actually one of the greatest opportunities for your growth?

You get to observe.

You get to learn.

You get to ask questions.

You get to develop new skills.

You get to discover parts of yourself that may never have emerged in the smaller pond.

You expand your capacity.

And eventually, the big pond that once felt intimidating begins to feel like home.

Then perhaps you discover another pond.

And another.

And another.

This is expansion.

Where Are You Choosing Familiarity Over Growth?

I invite you to gently look at your own life.

Not with judgment.

Not with shame.

Just with curiosity.

Where might you be choosing familiarity because it feels safer than expansion?

Are you staying in a job because you are comfortable being the person who knows everything—even though you secretly desire something more?

Are you avoiding learning something new because you might not be very good at it in the beginning?

Are you staying quiet because speaking your truth might change how someone sees you?

Are you avoiding setting a boundary because you are afraid of disappointing someone?

Are you staying in a relationship dynamic because you know exactly who you are within that dynamic—even though it no longer reflects who you are becoming?

Are you avoiding pursuing a dream because you might discover that you aren’t immediately successful?

Are you comparing yourself to others and deciding you aren’t ready because someone else is further along?

Or perhaps you have been unconsciously choosing situations where you can feel like the big fish because being the little fish brings up feelings of inadequacy, insecurity or fear of being exposed.

If so, there is nothing wrong with you.

There is simply an opportunity to become aware of the choice.

Growth Doesn’t Require You to Prove Your Worth

This is where I think we can get ourselves into trouble.

Expansion isn’t about proving that we are better than someone else.

It isn’t about becoming the biggest fish.

It isn’t about winning.

It isn’t about accumulating achievements so that we can finally feel worthy.

Our worth doesn’t increase because we become more successful.

Our worth was never dependent upon where we stood in the pond.

Expansion is about becoming more fully expressed.

It is about discovering what is possible when we allow ourselves to learn, experience, create, explore and become.

And sometimes that means being willing to be a beginner.

Being willing to not know.

Being willing to look awkward.

Being willing to make mistakes.

Being willing to receive feedback.

Being willing to let someone else be better at something than we are.

Being willing to be the little fish.

Because the little fish has something the big fish doesn’t have:

room to grow.

What If Discomfort Is an Invitation?

The next time you feel uncomfortable doing something new, perhaps instead of immediately asking:

“How do I get rid of this feeling?”

you could ask:

“What is this feeling showing me?”

“Am I actually unsafe—or am I simply unfamiliar with this?”

“Am I being guided away from something, or am I being invited to expand?”

“What would I learn about myself if I allowed myself to be a beginner?”

“Who could I become if I stopped needing to appear capable all the time?”

There is tremendous freedom in realizing that you don’t have to already be the person who knows how to do something in order to become the person who does.

You can begin before you feel ready.

You can learn as you go.

You can change your mind.

You can grow.

You can expand.

And you can allow yourself to be seen along the way.

Expansion Is Part of Becoming

As extensions of Source Energy—Spirit, God, Universe, Infinite Intelligence, or whatever name feels right to you—expansion is part of our natural experience.

We are constantly becoming.

Our desires change.

Our interests evolve.

Our understanding deepens.

Our relationships change.

Our dreams become bigger—or sometimes completely different.

The version of you who wants something today may not be the same version of you who receives it.

This is why I believe alignment and embodiment are so important.

When we discover a new desire, we aren’t simply trying to make something outside of ourselves appear.

We are also discovering who we become in the process of experiencing it.

Perhaps your desire is calling you into a bigger pond.

Perhaps it is asking you to become more confident, more authentic, more courageous, more creative, more visible, more loving or more self-trusting.

Perhaps the discomfort isn’t a sign to turn around.

Perhaps it is the sensation of your life expanding beyond what you have previously known.

So ask yourself:

Where am I ready to become the little fish?

Where might you be willing to be a beginner?

Where could you allow yourself to learn instead of needing to prove?

Where could you choose growth over familiarity?

Where could you stop shrinking yourself simply to feel comfortable?

And most importantly:

What might become possible if you stopped measuring your worth by how big you are in the pond—and started measuring your life by how fully you are willing to experience it?

You don’t have to know exactly where the expansion will lead.

You only have to be willing to take the next step.

The pond is bigger than you think.

Love, Yvette